And then there were three again....

I had a sleepless night last night. I had this nagging in my head that they were going to find something wrong with the pregnancy in my ultrasound today. Because I haven't gained weight and I'm losing it.

I guess my feelings are all true.

Come to find out the baby doesnt have any kidneys or a bladder. The baby is swallowing the amniotic fluid but isnt "peeing" it back out to continue the natural cycle. The baby is just absorbing it. So my amniotic fluid is low. And it will eventually run out. Once that starts to happen the baby's lungs will not develop because it needs that motion of inhaling the fluid to strengthen the lungs. Also with no amniotic fluid the cord runs risk of drying out and cracking. This will cause the baby to die. The baby is living now. but for how long? If I do carry it to term the baby will die out of the womb because we need the kidneys to live. A transplant at birth is an option with the exception of the lungs. The lungs will not be developed.

I am going to see my DR. tomorrow (i will probably blog again). We are planning on getting a second opinion just in case. But I dont think the outcome will change.

I am going to request that I am induced because I do not BELIEVE in having it "scraped out (D & E)." So I will have it naturally the way God intended it to be. We are looking into our insurance to see if it is covered for a burial. We will probably have it done in Phoenix not here because there is family there and well will go back there.

I never found out if it was a girl or a boy....I hope its a girl now... because my husband wanted a son sooo bad. I saw him cry for the first time today. I only wish they were tears of joy.

Feeling my baby still moving is killing me. Knowing that in a few weeks/months it wont be in there.

Lord give me strength to deal with this.... and the strength to tell my older two that they are not going to have a new sibling... "The baby changed it's mind... it wasn't ready to be here yet." Because now there are three again.