Good Samaritan

Yesterday I went to Phoenix to a Doctor up there. This Doctor will be the one to induce me.

She went over the procedures. She has to get approval from an Ethnics committee before proceeding. Makes sense since I am 20 weeks (5 months) today. She said she is 100% positive that they will approve it. She will call me today and let me know for sure.

She wants to do it Monday. I dont have the exact time yet. I will find that out later today. So yes that means a blog update. lol

The place that is doing it is called Good Samaritan. They are amazing. They will have wee clothes for the baby. They will take pictures of the baby. Although I dont think I will bring them home immediately. I think pictures are for happy moments. But they keep them on file for a while. They also do hand prints and foot prints. The baby will get a birth certificate as well.

Im scared to do this. I feel like I am playing God in so many ways. But I keep telling myself I am giving this child a better life if I do it now and not later. Later will cause the baby more suffering.

I feel it move less and less. The lack of fluid is not giving it too much room to move around. I want it to move. Its reassuring that its not suffering in me when it moves.

Katie knows now. I told her the baby has Angel wings. And God needs the baby to help him in Heaven. So the baby has to go to Heaven instead of coming home. She cried. She said she wanted to have a baby. So i told her that maybe later we can have another baby. She smiled and said she would like that.

Michael is doing better. He wants to take the baby's foot prints and put them on a branding iron along with his signature. So he can brand all the furniture he makes with it. I think its a great idea.

As for a funeral... we dont know when it will be yet.... probably later next week. Many are asking if they can come. Im not sure how Michael feels about it. I dont know if he wants it family only. Or just the two of us. I will let everyone know in time. Talking and planning a funeral for a baby that is still alive is killer. So Im sure you all can understand.

Michael is back to work which is a good thing. He went back on monday. And I have been trying to keep busy here too. Keeps my mind off things.

Well i need to get busy around the house today. My mom will be here this weekend.

I will do an update blog when the DR calls.

<3