What Lies Ahead

I had my dr apt today. She didnt tell me anything I already didnt know or didnt look up online at 2am this morning when I couldnt sleep.

I made my appointment to see a High Risk Ultrasound Specialist in Phoenix. It's on Monday at 11am. Im sure the outcome wont be any different but I wouldnt go on not knowing. But I will be damn sure they tell me the sex this time.

We are planning on being induced in Phoenix as well. This is closer to family on both sides. The baby is covered under Michaels life insurance as long as the heartbeats once outside the womb. We are planning on a proper burial for it in Phoenix.

Thank you for all your kind words of hope and strength... They all mean soo much to me.

I didn't spend the day crying like yesterday. I actually went shopping at Target and got McKenna a tricycle and had lunch at Chilis. I figured either I can mope around wishing things were different or I can enjoy the time I have with those that mean the most to me. I have never looked at my children in a different light before now. Its almost like I am seeing them for the first time. That first laugh... that first smile. Even Kenna's tantrums today were all worth it. It has opened my eyes to what I am blessed with... I am lucky to have them for some don't even carry their first to term.

We talked about trying again... not anytime soon. Many ask how "WE" are doing. And "WE" couldnt be any stronger. If it wasnt for him... I think I would be finding the highest bridge over the busiest highway. He has shown me there is more to live for and life will be ok again.

I will blog again after Monday. It most likely wont be happy news.

For those wishing to know more... the baby has Renal Agenesis and Potters Syndrome Type II. Google has been my best friend.

I love you all ... till monday.